laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.