I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer