i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.