I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
