too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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