i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
