I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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