After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
