sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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