a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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