He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
