she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
