That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
