I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Terrible idea I love it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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