maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
