So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
