clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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