I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
