My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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