i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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