oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
