is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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