I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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