Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize