I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
