so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
