UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
