mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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