at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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