I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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