I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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