Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
