Already got asked if we're dating
she was so not down for the gang bang
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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