Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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