The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
