I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
