I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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