I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
