i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize