i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
