I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
