I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
