I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
