Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
