she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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