I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
