looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
