Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
