He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
