it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
