Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
