awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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