You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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