Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
