i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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