Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
