so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
