Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
