you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
