I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
