I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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