His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
