we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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