So drunk its hurt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
