is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
