Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
