i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
