I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
