We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
