I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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