I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he fucked my hip out of place.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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