I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
