Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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