jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
