she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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