I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
