If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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