You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.