were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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