Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I understand Curling. That high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.