Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex