My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."