Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
