I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
